so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
