Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
