just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
