I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
