Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
