The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
