I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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