He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
