we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
