I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
