Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
