All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize