You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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