I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
