I wish I could teleport
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
