Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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