Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Damn victory sex feels great
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
