I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Randomize
