do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
