last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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