I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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