i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
