Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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