So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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