Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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