There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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