Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
