Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
