From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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