Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
