checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize