i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
