Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
