So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Randomize