would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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