He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
