dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
