I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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