How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
