Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
