is wine microwaveable?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
