I cockslap morals
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
