i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
