i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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