Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
