32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
