I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
