i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize