I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
