pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
