and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
