It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
