I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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