he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
