Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
