bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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