I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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