i just wanna soil my oats bro
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We had sex on a dog bed..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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