Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize