There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would ride that face into the sunset
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
