He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
