all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
