Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
