how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
